So lately I've had something on my mind. I'm going to ramble a bit trying to find what it is exactly I wanted to say.
It seems like to a growing majority of people love is just a disposable convienence. Especially among guys, but growing among girls as well. The increasing popularity of living life focused on oneself is upon us. Our culture has taught us that we need to figure out who we are, and what makes up happy. Slogans like "have it your way" imply that we have the right to want the world on our terms. All our decisions are about OUR life and our happiness and me me me.
I struggle with whether this is a good attitude or not. I mean I have some phenominal Christian friends who are very happy being alone and adventurous. They're taking this opportunity of being on their own to see the world...travel...have no attachments...and build relationships. I'm not saying that's really bad. But it breaks my heart to see this trickle over into love and relationships. Guys who have amazing women of God in their lives that truly care about them just throwing the relationship away. Because it's disposable. Because they just want to have fun and not have to work at a relationship. Because their friends rather than encouraging them to hold onto and work on a really good thing like the possibility of a future spouse, want them to go out and party with them, or even just be more availible. Friends are important, absolutely, but your future spouse is more so and why is it that everyone feels like finding that person is so easy that there is always someone else around the corner? Most girls don't have that feeling of security but many guys do. Taking to much energy? Drop the relationship and another one just as good is just around the corner. I just don't know it that's Biblical it doesn't seem like real love.
Granted real love isn't really proven til after marriage and everyone is aware you work at that, but I mean come on guys? Ending relationships for no apparent reason other than self centered ness? I just don't know about that. It hurts a lot of people and it seems like one of the basic principles of Christianity is loving other people and dying to self. Putting others above yourself and not being selfish.
Divorce is ever on the rise and if it's so easy now dispose of good relationships to chase after youre own selfish ambitions (but call them dreams so they sound better) when does that end? Never? Will you always be chasing down dreams, to never want to settle and when someone gets in the way of those dreams you dispose of them? It's important to have dreams sure but when did it become a bad thing to be content with having a family and a wife? That's personally always been at the top of my dreams list. Having someone there to DO all that WITH.
And that relationship with your spouse is special and the perfect ministry team as God intended it. That means you love that person so much you want their happiness over yours. That if you are sure you love them it is OKAY to make decisions based on them. Who came up with the idea that if someone is "keeping you from something" you want to do that that means you should break up with them? Missing out on things you WANT to do to fufill yourself is a legite reason to break up with someone?
I don't know. I guess if traveling to 16 countries before you die is really important to you, or your calling maybe you should not involve other people or date til you fufill that. Rather than dragging someone into it that cares about you and wants you to have all that but unintelltionally makes it harder for that to be easy because you'll be away from them...then just dropping them when they start to pull your attention away.
I guess it's sad to me that people devalue love that much. That doing something tempory and "grand" is so much more appealing than being in love and settling down and being CONTENT in what you have...
In A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken, he describes how he met his wife and their story before he lost her to cancer. She was so precious to him that he chose her above everything else and he was content with that decision--
"Much later, my very different choice came when my old flying comrade had won some fame among friends for reckless deeds in the air--urged me to go with him upon a very appealing aerial adventure in Arizona. It would have meant staying out of college for a year--and no Davy. I chose her."
He chose her. Nowadays if someone got the chance to do something like that and chose to stay home with his girlfriend instead he'd get a lot of heat for it. God forbid you choose time with your girlfriend over an adventure like that with a friend! Everyone would probably urge him to break up with her because she was changing him and keeping him from his friends and adventures.
If you read the rest of the story it is a phenominal story of a very loving and fufilled God-centered relationship that lasted a lifetime. It started with the two of them being so in love that they put each other above themselves.
I guess you could argue you shouldn't put a significant other over friends becuase they aren't permanant...but this is college kids...you should either not date and focus on whatever it is that's important to you or realize the person you meet now could be the one. If you're just dating to date you're playing with someones emotions that may really grow to care about you. I think the fact that relationships are so commonly not permanant is just another sign of self-centeredness and what we've made things.
The point is, dating scares me in college. I want a guy who loves me enough to not care what others think and wants to be with me. I'm not saying I'd ever wanna take all his time from his friends and others or his dreams. I'm just saying I'm tired of seeing my close friends, girls and guys alike, heartbroken and crushed because they were crazy about someone who looked at them as disposable. If you really love someone it's unconditional...not disposable and I want that real love.
Has marriage and family really become that unappealing? Is it really settling and giving up excitement nowadays? Why can't you have your adventures with someone by your side?
I don't want to be disposable. I want to be loved by someone who doesn't want to live life without me. Isn't that real love?
The heart of a wife
But she won't unlock it
All dressed in white
And face in the blankets
The nights with the boys
Razor in pocket
Drives to work
Don't ever drive back
Its a four letter word
And who ever thought that a
Four letter word would be so hard to spell out
And our hearts skipping beats
On edges of seats
We'll take time when its up
But give up when its down...
Freakin out about love...love...about love...about love.
To cool for apologies
And wouldn't have held
Our emotional policies
And looking glass selves
A realization that we all need to find
Is it's all in our heads when
We're changing our minds
Love about love...its not love...
If we're not gunna mind
What's lodged in our chests
Then I'll spend all my time
Dodging yours I guess
There's a whole in my heart
And 5 cent society pulls up apart
And at the blink of an eye
We'll get the courts intervolved
And if you don't like her eyes
You just get them annulled.
Is the justice of the peace losing its power?
Honey moon sweets to hotels by the hour...
We take when its up
But give up when its down
And its not love. ---Jon Mclaughlin