Thursday, March 1, 2007

Eric Clapton Lyrics and Low Budget Films

Mary responded, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever he wants. May everything you have said come true." --- Luke 1:38

I am at a crossroads. And I don't mean a substandard Britney Spears movie. For the first time in my life I have no plan. I'm having to learn how to listen to God, and fully trust him. I know he will show me where to go next.

"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this." - Psalm 37:3-5

Things that have happened recently have caused me to take a step back and evaluate. I've realized things about myself that I never really knew. I've been wounded, but also strengthened. I've hurt, but also found a new sense of hope in God. I've had life changing experiences that cause me to understand things I never truly understood. And I've learned the value of things I took for granted.

"If you would be loved, be loveable." - Ovid

I've been thinking about my future husband.

I'm not ready to get married. I need time to prepare myself and be worthy of the husband God has for me. I have to learn to love God as my bridegroom. Only when I am content in him and him alone will I be able to give my love to a man. I give away my love easily. I'm vulernable and desire affection. These can be good things, but only after I find contentment in being single, and serving God. Only once I can trust him completely, and not look to a man to fufill me, will I find true fufillment. And in the meantime, I not only need to trust him completely for a Godly husband, but also prepare myself to be the kind of woman that man also deserves. If I'm going to set my standard high, I need to be worthy of that man's love.

"She has a vital role to play; she is a partner in this great adventure." - Captivating

I realize now I need to not settle. When you are in love you overlook things that if you could take a step back and observe, you'd realize they are bigger than you let on. By no means is any man perfect, but a Godly man strives to please God with his life. He is strong and capable of protecting you and your relationship, capable of loving you deeply and passionately even while loving God more, and all the while growing and fufilling his callings. I need a man who is willing to lead. To guard our relationship and keep it pure. And I trust God completely to show me who that is, and in the meantime I continue to grow.

"I simply loved feeling wanted and fought for. This desire is set deep in the heart of every little girl---and every woman. Yet most of us are ashamed of it. We downplay it. We pretend it is less that it is." ---Captivating

I'm not ready to get married tomorrow, but I imagine in the next couple of years I may meet a man with which I can build a strong friendship with, eventually a relationship with, and know he's the one God was preparing me for. All my past experiences only force me to grow, learn, and appreciate my future husband for the extrodinary man he is. I don't expect him to be perfect, just perfect for me. And I know he will want to fight to keep me his.

Someone who cares about my details.

What next? I do not know. I'm excited though.

"You will find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

I'm not running away from this
I'm not falling asleep
I'm not taking a bribe from anyone for anything
I'm not running away from this
I'm not falling asleep
I'm not turning back on the one thing that I know
Cool Hand Luke



CarolinaGirl said...

i love this. so many people need to understand this. i'm so proud of you darling :)

courtneypage said...

so once again you truly do have the gift of expressing your emotions through words...and i'm so proud of everything you're comming to realize...and as i read that i saw your heart and i know that there's a lot that i can learn from that too! I love you soo much my dear!

Nathan said...

thank you.