Selfish Ambitions

What is the difference between a godly and a selfish ambition?

That was the topic of a blog I read today.

Do you live for yourself and give God credit as an afterthought?

Or are you willing to serve even if that means sacrificing everything you think you want.

I don't believe God wants anyone to be miserable. And I know God can instill in people a vision for something great, or even their dreams and ambitions.

But in our culture, I think we get carried away and take it too far--creating a vending machine God. "This is what I want for my life and God loves me so he'll give it to me." It's a common attitude. What ever happened to "Here am I Lord, what will you have me do?"

I think of most major music artists. Ya know, the radio rappers and pop stars that get up at the Grammys and thank God for their awards. I don't claim to know their hearts, but I always cringe when they bring God into it. Most of them are clearly living the most ungodly life possible. They live their lives out for themselves and at the end of the day (or at least in public) they are nice enough to give God a shout out. Awesome.

I have friends who've played sports and gotten injured and been angry at God for taking away their dream. I have friends who really just want fame but disguise it as ministry. I'm not saying that God doesn't fulfill dreams. But what if that's your plan for your life and God has something totally different in mind? Will you be angry when you don't get what you want and turn your back on him? If God said to you...I need you to sell everything you have and serve among the poor...would you be able to do it? Usually I get "God would never ask me to do that." Oh yeah? Have you read the Bible lately?

If God has given you gifts to use for him, use them. But don't use dreams and positivity as an excuse to live for yourself and call it living for God. Be willing to serve no matter what. If that is truly the desire of your heart you will find joy and fulfillment in serving God no matter how lofty or lowly your social status is.

I've always struggled with this. I know there's a great debate between the prosperity gospel camp and the purpose driven life camp. I've been absorbed in both kinds of churches and Christians at various times. But find some balance. There is truth in both. You can be a selfish martyr just as much as a selfish ambitionist. But don't let your martyrdom or your ambition blind you from God's true plan for your life. We're selfish by nature. No matter what perspective you come from...we're selfish. And few people ever really get around to acknowledging that.

Be a willing servant.

Limerence.

I knew he was the one when I realized I didn't have an exit strategy.

The Re Beginning of Being

"And we are left to be and keep on being, Like everything around a central meaning."

It has been nine months since I posted. Revival coming soon?

From trucks and planes to video games...

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothing ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog that's
Always changing things

     The Ramones

Technology and modernity have created a culture that is so complex and so self-absorbed that it makes it incredibly hard to find true simple happiness. I know where to find it, but I wish it wasn't a constant battle against outside factors and circumstances. It's scary and brave to face it. It'll take all my courage.

---Noelle

They Like Jesus but Not the Church

Just a few notes about some things I'm digging into as of late.

I could write pages and pages and get off on 500 tangents about different issues and questions and answers in all of this, but rather than try to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling...I just wanna get down my initial thoughts.

I took a class on Postmodernism this semester and read some great books on emerging generations and how our culture is changing. One of the less scholarly, but most compelling of these books was They Like Jesus But Not The Church by Dan Kimball. And recently, I picked up a copy of Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. Both books have raised some good points and questions about my generation and my faith...and made challenges to how we are to go about combining the two in a way that really works and makes sense.

This is something I'm really concerned with. The methods of evangelism my grandparents used, doesn't work very well on people my age. I wonder if older people in churches can't see that? Many of the older people in churches, were younger people once, frustrated with the older people in the church that wouldn't allow growth or good change to happen in their congregations (such as in worship music, etc.) Are they becoming the same but a new generation? Are we praying and asking for growth and change while they do the same old same old and ignore it when it doesn't work?

Dan Kimball points out that most churches don't have a very large group of people in their 20s. No one seems to care, or at any rate really notice that this age group is missing. You have high school age and children, and you have their parents and other adults. Where are these emerging generations going? Is this normal? Do they come back when they're older? I'm starting to lean towards the fact that they don't. In fact the Church doesn't have the best reputation with emerging generations. But while I wonder and search for all the reasons and factors...I at least know its true. Just today I was looking at big churches websites online in the area and I noticed many of them, though having lots of ministries for adults and children, didn't have anything for 20-somethings. I really wasn't expecting that. I figured hey, they still have the ministries even if they aren't well attended right?

Another small note I'm wrestling with that is brought up in both books is how people view the Church versus how the view Jesus.

I don't think people are closed minded to Jesus, his teachings, his message...the gospel. I think it's us. We're the turn off...the people who've given a bad image of Christianity, and who most people really want nothing to do with. (And I can hardly blame them).

I'll end with a quote:

"Jesus is more compelling than ever. More inviting, more true, more mysterious than ever. The problem isn't Jesus; the problem is what comes with JEsus. For many people the word Christian conjures up all sorts of images that have nothing to do with who Jesus is or how he taught us to live. This must change." - Velvet Elvis

Similarly, Dan Kimball talks about many interviews and conversations he had where people were really very open to Jesus...but not to Christians.

Okay so these are just some issues raised among many...and obviously not my whole thoughts on anything...but I just wanted to put it out there...I really want to find out how I can live out my faith in a uplifting way that shows Christ's love rather than causing more damage and I can see that people my age are getting turned off my my faith and I want to redeem that.

More later...

---Noelle

A Prayer

Lord guide me
Inspire me
Lead me
Show me
Work in me
And change who I am
Show me where you want me
Don't let my mind get in the way
Pierce my heart with your ways
Cover me in your peace and love
Teach me how to walk
This is the cry of my soul

Cuz everything inside me feels torn
And everything outside me seems to fall apart
My world seemed to shatter over night
And you are the only one who can truly see my heart

I hide the pain
The confusion
The mistrust
And I turn to you alone
Healer and Comfortor
Protector and Lover
Transform my ways
Give me a taste
Of being sure of that is hoped for
Certain of things unseen
Capable of once again believing in dreams

Because when all seems broken
You're the only things that left
And in my shame I refocus
Pretend its all a test

You alone Lord. You alone.
You are all I have
But you are my stability
The one who goes ahead...

Testing the Strong Ones

So...I'm very much all about finding your strength, choosing happiness and relying on God for your peace, strength and joy. I think we have a lot of power over our attitudes and our attitudes have power over our emotions.

I'm also a girl. You can't control how you feel. Right? Well it is a battle. And sometimes we lose that battle. But we can't stop fighting.

No one has to fight their battles alone however. I don't just mean God is with is. He is. And perhaps there are battles we have to fight alone. But God also encourages us to find fellowship with fellow Christians. We're the body of Christ and he intends for us to fellowship with each other to encourage one another and lift people up. We don't have to be alone.

In the past I've tended to internalize and try and handle things on my own. Mostly because I know it can take a tole on friends and I should not be dragging them down with me day after day...they need encouragement to! But there is a balance here.

This semester I've been blessed with a group of girl. Once a week we have an all girl Bible study. Having it be all girls allows us to be vulnerable, honest and transparent about our struggles with each other. I am so thankful for them. In that time...we laugh and find joy amidst pains and stress. We share our sorrows. We pray and encourage each other. We keep each other accountable. It's amazing.

I've noticed that we often have a lot of the same issues. Stress, pain, heartbreak, etc. We could easily have a weekly pity party. We could just vent and focus on our pain and problems. But we don't. Because we have a purpose.

The following is an exert from a book I'm reading about loneliness:

-Be still and know that He is God.
When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge.
-Remember that you are not alone.
"The Lord, He it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee neither forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage." (Deut. 31:8) Jesus promised His disciples, "Lo, I am with you always." (Matt. 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. He is there, never for one moment forgetting you.
-Give thanks.
In times of my greatest loneliness I have been lifted up by the promise of 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18, "For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen." This is something to thank God for. This loneliness itself, which seems a weight, will be far outweighed by glory.
-Refuse self-pity.
Refuse it absolutely. It is deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows.
(I agree so much with this. The second you start focusing on yourself and turn in...you only feel worse because you let your own problems consume you and you can't see the bigger picture, much less anyone else around you.)
-Accept your loneliness.
It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last.
-Offer up your loneliness to God,
as the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes. God can transform it for the good of others.
(Christianity is one of the only religions that considers suffering a good thing. Our trials strengthen us and they are temporary. They help shape us into stronger better people who are more affective. No, it is not that God wants us to be in pain. He does however allow pain. He doesn't set in. He wants to see us look to him in that pain and he blesses us with strength peace and character.)
-Do something for somebody else.
No matter who or where you are, there is something you can do, somebody who needs you. Pray that you may be an instrument of God's peace, that where there is loneliness you may bring joy.

The last one is where my Bible study fits. We are all in pain. Yet, rather than dragging each other down day after day...we are lifting each other up. Though we are in pain...we can allow other people to encourage us and in return we encourage them...think of them.

I think this helps me put my own pain into perspective. If I focus on myself, I hurt myself more. I drag myself and everyone who cares about me down with me. If I realize that everyone around me is struggling to...and put my own struggles into context I realize that it my responsibility to be there for others. There is something about doing that, that makes you feel good too. You aren't focused on yourself, you realize youre not alone, and others will be there to encourage you right back.

All this to say I am thankful for these girls. And I encourage everyone to choose to think of others and be uplifting.

-Noelle