The Re Beginning of Being

"And we are left to be and keep on being, Like everything around a central meaning."

It has been nine months since I posted. Revival coming soon?

From trucks and planes to video games...

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
Nothing ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
How do you move in a world of fog that's
Always changing things

     The Ramones

Technology and modernity have created a culture that is so complex and so self-absorbed that it makes it incredibly hard to find true simple happiness. I know where to find it, but I wish it wasn't a constant battle against outside factors and circumstances. It's scary and brave to face it. It'll take all my courage.

---Noelle

They Like Jesus but Not the Church

Just a few notes about some things I'm digging into as of late.

I could write pages and pages and get off on 500 tangents about different issues and questions and answers in all of this, but rather than try to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling...I just wanna get down my initial thoughts.

I took a class on Postmodernism this semester and read some great books on emerging generations and how our culture is changing. One of the less scholarly, but most compelling of these books was They Like Jesus But Not The Church by Dan Kimball. And recently, I picked up a copy of Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. Both books have raised some good points and questions about my generation and my faith...and made challenges to how we are to go about combining the two in a way that really works and makes sense.

This is something I'm really concerned with. The methods of evangelism my grandparents used, doesn't work very well on people my age. I wonder if older people in churches can't see that? Many of the older people in churches, were younger people once, frustrated with the older people in the church that wouldn't allow growth or good change to happen in their congregations (such as in worship music, etc.) Are they becoming the same but a new generation? Are we praying and asking for growth and change while they do the same old same old and ignore it when it doesn't work?

Dan Kimball points out that most churches don't have a very large group of people in their 20s. No one seems to care, or at any rate really notice that this age group is missing. You have high school age and children, and you have their parents and other adults. Where are these emerging generations going? Is this normal? Do they come back when they're older? I'm starting to lean towards the fact that they don't. In fact the Church doesn't have the best reputation with emerging generations. But while I wonder and search for all the reasons and factors...I at least know its true. Just today I was looking at big churches websites online in the area and I noticed many of them, though having lots of ministries for adults and children, didn't have anything for 20-somethings. I really wasn't expecting that. I figured hey, they still have the ministries even if they aren't well attended right?

Another small note I'm wrestling with that is brought up in both books is how people view the Church versus how the view Jesus.

I don't think people are closed minded to Jesus, his teachings, his message...the gospel. I think it's us. We're the turn off...the people who've given a bad image of Christianity, and who most people really want nothing to do with. (And I can hardly blame them).

I'll end with a quote:

"Jesus is more compelling than ever. More inviting, more true, more mysterious than ever. The problem isn't Jesus; the problem is what comes with JEsus. For many people the word Christian conjures up all sorts of images that have nothing to do with who Jesus is or how he taught us to live. This must change." - Velvet Elvis

Similarly, Dan Kimball talks about many interviews and conversations he had where people were really very open to Jesus...but not to Christians.

Okay so these are just some issues raised among many...and obviously not my whole thoughts on anything...but I just wanted to put it out there...I really want to find out how I can live out my faith in a uplifting way that shows Christ's love rather than causing more damage and I can see that people my age are getting turned off my my faith and I want to redeem that.

More later...

---Noelle

A Prayer

Lord guide me
Inspire me
Lead me
Show me
Work in me
And change who I am
Show me where you want me
Don't let my mind get in the way
Pierce my heart with your ways
Cover me in your peace and love
Teach me how to walk
This is the cry of my soul

Cuz everything inside me feels torn
And everything outside me seems to fall apart
My world seemed to shatter over night
And you are the only one who can truly see my heart

I hide the pain
The confusion
The mistrust
And I turn to you alone
Healer and Comfortor
Protector and Lover
Transform my ways
Give me a taste
Of being sure of that is hoped for
Certain of things unseen
Capable of once again believing in dreams

Because when all seems broken
You're the only things that left
And in my shame I refocus
Pretend its all a test

You alone Lord. You alone.
You are all I have
But you are my stability
The one who goes ahead...

Testing the Strong Ones

So...I'm very much all about finding your strength, choosing happiness and relying on God for your peace, strength and joy. I think we have a lot of power over our attitudes and our attitudes have power over our emotions.

I'm also a girl. You can't control how you feel. Right? Well it is a battle. And sometimes we lose that battle. But we can't stop fighting.

No one has to fight their battles alone however. I don't just mean God is with is. He is. And perhaps there are battles we have to fight alone. But God also encourages us to find fellowship with fellow Christians. We're the body of Christ and he intends for us to fellowship with each other to encourage one another and lift people up. We don't have to be alone.

In the past I've tended to internalize and try and handle things on my own. Mostly because I know it can take a tole on friends and I should not be dragging them down with me day after day...they need encouragement to! But there is a balance here.

This semester I've been blessed with a group of girl. Once a week we have an all girl Bible study. Having it be all girls allows us to be vulnerable, honest and transparent about our struggles with each other. I am so thankful for them. In that time...we laugh and find joy amidst pains and stress. We share our sorrows. We pray and encourage each other. We keep each other accountable. It's amazing.

I've noticed that we often have a lot of the same issues. Stress, pain, heartbreak, etc. We could easily have a weekly pity party. We could just vent and focus on our pain and problems. But we don't. Because we have a purpose.

The following is an exert from a book I'm reading about loneliness:

-Be still and know that He is God.
When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge.
-Remember that you are not alone.
"The Lord, He it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee neither forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage." (Deut. 31:8) Jesus promised His disciples, "Lo, I am with you always." (Matt. 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. He is there, never for one moment forgetting you.
-Give thanks.
In times of my greatest loneliness I have been lifted up by the promise of 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18, "For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen." This is something to thank God for. This loneliness itself, which seems a weight, will be far outweighed by glory.
-Refuse self-pity.
Refuse it absolutely. It is deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows.
(I agree so much with this. The second you start focusing on yourself and turn in...you only feel worse because you let your own problems consume you and you can't see the bigger picture, much less anyone else around you.)
-Accept your loneliness.
It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last.
-Offer up your loneliness to God,
as the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes. God can transform it for the good of others.
(Christianity is one of the only religions that considers suffering a good thing. Our trials strengthen us and they are temporary. They help shape us into stronger better people who are more affective. No, it is not that God wants us to be in pain. He does however allow pain. He doesn't set in. He wants to see us look to him in that pain and he blesses us with strength peace and character.)
-Do something for somebody else.
No matter who or where you are, there is something you can do, somebody who needs you. Pray that you may be an instrument of God's peace, that where there is loneliness you may bring joy.

The last one is where my Bible study fits. We are all in pain. Yet, rather than dragging each other down day after day...we are lifting each other up. Though we are in pain...we can allow other people to encourage us and in return we encourage them...think of them.

I think this helps me put my own pain into perspective. If I focus on myself, I hurt myself more. I drag myself and everyone who cares about me down with me. If I realize that everyone around me is struggling to...and put my own struggles into context I realize that it my responsibility to be there for others. There is something about doing that, that makes you feel good too. You aren't focused on yourself, you realize youre not alone, and others will be there to encourage you right back.

All this to say I am thankful for these girls. And I encourage everyone to choose to think of others and be uplifting.

-Noelle

Technicolored Thoughts and Dreams

I've been thinking about the story of Joseph lately.

Does God play favorites? (Of course not.) When you read the story of Joseph do you think it IS in fact a little unfair that Joseph is treated differently then all his other brothers? If you were the brother would you resent seeing a sibling spoiled and given nice things while you were ignored. Of course you would. It's human.

Human impulses, however, are not something we're meant to live by. Did Josephs brothers have unwilling hearts to follow God? Did they focus on what they didn't have? Did they feel sorry for themselves and build up resentment?

Do you think if Josephs brothers had been actively fighting their impulses and open to what God had for them, they would have had an even bigger role, like Josephs?

Joseph was given a great responsibility. His life was not spoiled and perfect. With great reward comes great sacrifice. Willingness to follow God means willingness to surrender a mediocre "safe" life. Maybe at times admist the turmoil you wish for boring. And yet, after all the pain comes the reward...greater than anything you may have received otherwise...and with a character much stronger.

That isn't to say everyone must to be imprisoned and enslaved in order to someday rule...

The question is, are we willing to accept hardship for Him?

I think the most striking part of Josephs story was his joy. He had peace and joy in God...and trusted him completely...even when he was in prison and at the lowest point of his life.

How many of us really do this? Trust God to the point of joy amidst pain...in the midst of unfairness even. Other people manipulating you, being selfish, lying, etc. as in Josephs case.

Let me use yet another Cool Hand Luke song here:

Let me tell you what he did for me,
With the weight of my worries tearing my sleeve.
I cried to my father the other night, the end of all hope.
"Show me the rope, which way to go"
As I fell asleep, he took away my worries.
He picked me up put me on his shoulders.

I could see for miles.
He showed me that the mountain I'm climbing, is not a mountain at all, but a gentel slope leading home.

There are mountains towering ahead.
He says to me
"These are mine. Hold my hand, you'll be fine."

I could see for miles.
He showed me that the mountain I'm climbing, is not a mountain at all, but a gentle slope leading home.

"The mountains are mine."

Cool Hand Luke


So...when we find ourselves in the pain...there's so much joy we can have in that. The joy of God's trust in our strength. The joy of knowing the other side will be great. The joy that God is with us right then and there giving us peace...lifting us onto his shoulders...

Our mountains seem so significant while we're climbing them. But if we could see past them...at the bigger picture...they wouldn't seem so significant. And he never asked us to endure trial and pain alone. He's right there with us...holding our hand...suffering with us. And we can look at our mountains and hear God say "The mountains are mine."

Joseph is a great example of extreme pain and extreme blessing. But the Bible (especially the old testament) is full a sacrifices that are frankly much larger than most things we seem to be asked to give up today. Even in cases of love...Jacob worked YEARS to be with Rachel. Years. How many of us are asked to wait years? Not many. If God asked us to...would we think it was insane? Then look at Job who had his children and all his possessions taken. If we lost every one of our children and all we had...could we keep out faith? And the list goes on.

But at the end of each of these stories is Redemption. And often, unexpected and better than expected.

So in our temporary pains...we can find peace in him...but can't we also find some joy?

---Noelle

Afterthought,

It's okay to hurt and not rid yourself entirely of your hopes or the pain of submitting them to God. What would we offer as our sacrifice if we had no personal desires? It'd be easy to follow God if we had no personal feelings of our own on that matter of our lives...but we do...and the pain of giving them to God is a willing sacrifice and submission.

Trust Me.

I've always struggled with the concept of discernment. How do you truly 100% know God's speaking to you and its not your mind...OR your heart for that matter. I've seen hearing from God abused by people who are not trying to be munipulative, but genuinely believe what they are hearing is from God. And how do we as a body discern who is hearing from God and who isn't? My dad always told me take things and put them on a shelf...and if they ring true, great, and if not, fine...there's no harm done.

In other words pray and test things you're hearing from God or others are hearing from God.

I'd like to think God will not lead you astray and I've very often in the past really felt led to do something and felt it was confirmed afterwards as right. But what about when you and a friend are on two opposite ends of a situation and therefore see it completely differently? Whose right? Are we making assumptions we feel good about and therefore attributing that to God...and yet because we don't have the entire picture we can't see that they may be mislead? Is it impossible to admit mistakes even when we felt at peace about what we'd felt we were hearing?

I guess I'm frustrated because sometimes I feel untrusted. I feel like it is important to hear someone out and not assume you know what their intentions are before you make a judgement. What harm is there in knowing the intentions and then praying about them to make sure they ring true? Is it possible that if you don't do this, you're being unfair? I sometimes want to say "Don't you trust me?" Trust that if I say something is important enough to bring up, that I've put a great deal of prayer into it and tried to make sure there was no self motivation in it? Isn't is possible that I'd only risk something as important as ones trust and respect for me if I knew it was crucial...and had agonized over it?

I feel like, intent of heart and the desire to seek God is the point I'm trying to make. If I prove to be selfish again and again and miss the mark...clearly I have room to grow and should be questioned. But also I very much value my friends, fellow Christians, and other people's respect...that they would at least trust me enough to know my heart was in the right place. If they respected me that much, they'd be willing to listen / hear me out / hear what I feel like God's telling me. Then from there they could test it, pray about it, and choose to question it and disagree...or to confirm it. Either way they'd know my heart was all good intentions.

I'm sorry if this came out as a bit of a vent...I'm just really trying to stay in God's will. And I hope others can see that.

But regardless of if people can see it or not...I will always look to God for discernment and direction. I hope people will be able to see where my heart is. In Him.

Noelle